Assembling the Deck

Solitaire is one of my favorites out of the songs I wrote. I initially had three criteria when I began writing this song: I wanted a melody that began with a minor 6th interval (“How does one explain this intimate serenity?”), I wanted a song in either 3/4 time or 6/8 time so the rhythm of the song is divided into 3’s instead of 4’s, and I wanted to incorporate the cello within the ensemble . The reason I wanted a minor 6th interval is, to be brief, this interval is not very common in musical intros. Most songs introduce themselves with a perfect fourth interval; some examples include the Harry Potter main theme from the movies, the Fellowship theme from Lord of the Rings, and “Here Comes the Bride” wedding march; or the perfect fifth interval, such as theme to Star Trek Voyager, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (technically 1-1-5-5, but it’s a perfect fifth between the doubling), “My Favourite Things” from The Sound of Music. A 6th is considered a weaker interval overall, and a minor 6th is an even odder-sounding jump, so most composers don’t really gravitate to it, and I wanted to try to work with it. I wanted a meter divided into 3’s because I had already written some songs that were in 2’s and simply felt it was time to switch gears. A 3/4 or 6/8 are not entirely the same, but both feature dividing a phrase into three parts. I ultimately wrote Solitaire in 6/8 time because this meter is slightly more complex and allowed me to easily switch between dividing a phrase in 2 and dividing a phrase in 3 (in other words, I could write a hemiola, pronounced Hee-Mee-Yo-La, which is when a song switches from being divided into 2 to being divided into 3; yes, that’s a real word, and a popular example is West Side Story’s “America” during the iconic chorus line, “I like to be in America”, where the switch causes the name “America” to sound particularly punched and accented while also expressing the syllables organically). The cello probably doesn’t need an explanation; I don’t think I’ve met anyone who doesn’t like the cello (I have met people who found violins quite overrated and, as a pianist, I have to agree on principle 😜). I did also play the cello for a couple of years during high school (again, chose it over the violin) but decided to drop it because I was already investing a lot of time in piano, and I had no interest in seeking a teacher to perfect my cello skills. That said, for me personally, I like the cello best out of all string instruments, so I was going to incorporate it in my songs no matter what.

I came up with the chorus melody first while driving home from work, thinking about how to design a melody that started with a minor 6th, and it simply played in my head. I wish there were more to it, but sometimes that’s just how it is! I then had to decide what the song should be about, because I actually didn’t know. I felt there was something very intimate and suspenseful about this melody, and initially I toyed with the idea of a femme fatale or someone who is seducing someone else. It might have worked, but I’m not terribly interested in such dynamics on a personal level. They can be fun in movies (provided they’re not disturbing, or just stupid, anyway) but since I had to sing this thing, I didn’t think I could embody what would be required; my own disinterest would get in the way. Furthermore, I didn’t really want the album to feature songs about romance, because I have never been in love and can’t help but feel ridiculous whenever I try to write about it. I was also wary of being cliché, there I was taking the trouble of creating this melody with a minor 6th interval and then it’s about this totally predictable topic, that’s so disappointing, so I wanted to avoid that. But the music sounded like it should be something very close in entity. Cozy, maybe? Then I thought, well, what’s more intimate than 2 people in one room? One person connecting with themselves.

An introvert who is enjoying their solitude is a funny topic to sing about because normally we would not sing of such things. Songs are about connection, about conveying a message or a feeling, particularly if it’s intense. But introverts like me don’t feel any particular way when we’re alone, and that’s actually one major reason we enjoy it. We don’t want to feel intensely, even intensely happy, because feeling intensely just doesn’t feel so good to us. It’s tiring and exacts a cost. In Chinese medicine, there are five basic emotions: Anger, Joy, Worry, Sorrow, and Fear. All five (yes, including Joy) are forms of exertion that, when too extreme, can strain your physical organs and be harmful to your health; But even outside of the emotional exhaustion that follows, you are never fully in control of what you do when you’re with others. There is always some form of compromise or outside influence that you have to manage, and I’m not convinced that extroverts aren’t also worn out by it all. They’re just unable to rest, because they can’t simply bask in their own company, and I’m sure they resent us somewhat because our absence makes it just a bit harder for them to distract themselves with our companionship. When we’re alone, there is no need to communicate, no need to negotiate, and of course, no need, much less desire, to sing about it. But I noticed online and in many circles that the Introvert is viewed as an odd creature of sorts, and is often confused for someone who’s averse to socialization, which is not the case at all. We are not agoraphobic. We often socialize even more successfully than proclaimed extroverts, and frequently seek others for companionship. However, our own internal lives are usually so rich and fulfilling that it’s much more difficult for company to compare. Often times, group activities just seem far more boring than what we’ve been enjoying on our own.

And so with this in mind, I sought to create a luxurious atmosphere with the singer at the center. I deliberately chose not to have backing vocals because I wanted to emphasize that this person is by themselves, but there are five instrument groups in this song: acoustic guitar, acoustic bass, piano, cello (which turned out to be very easy to incorporate) and a drum set. There’s no way a single person could play on all of these, but they manifest in the song with the singer and become part of the environment. Even though the singer is alone, they are surrounded by all these moving parts, all complying with their will and supporting their solo. I also chose to sing this song in a fairly mellow, almost lazy style, to express that cozy sentiment. And I wanted listeners to, for a moment, share the pleasure of this state, where the time and space around you is yours alone, and there is no one to usurp your attention from yourself.

Are we introverts really the weird ones? I suppose that is a verdict for another day.

Maiden Post

When I bought this domain, I didn’t know what I would do with it. I just felt that I should own a domain with my handle, which I’ve used for much of my online activities. At this point, I’ve been composing songs for almost 2 years, and drawing/writing for even longer. These are all hobbies I do on the side, and I somehow make time for them even though my day job is quite involved. For this reason, though I hope to have plenty to say, I’m not sure how often I would update. In the end, we all must live in the real world, not on the web.

I figured I’d start off with some insights into the behind the scenes for my latest music video, The Nature of Blessings, which is also the first song in my album Soothesayer. This song was actually the second song I wrote for my album. I was inspired to write this song in part when I saw a video of Anne Hathaway and I noticed that I found her appearance much more striking in her 40’s than in her 20’s, even though she looked her age and would not pass for a young girl. It occurred to me that beauty, in addition to being very subjective, is also very dependent on context. There is, of course, also the question of just what beauty even is, whether it is just how your physical features coordinate on your form, or how you happen to work with what you have. I don’t think it’s too uncouth to point out that there is something somewhat baffling about how beauty—and indeed, all positive attributes—are not exactly fairly distributed. The common platitude claims that all of us are beautiful in our own way, but in reality, some of us are more beautiful than others, and there is no way to dismiss that. When it comes to the young and untried, this is particularly perplexing because, why? Presumably we all enter on equal footing, we have fairly uniform milestones, and most of us have not had much opportunity to do anything significantly different from our peers, yet our appearances—and therefore how we are received by society—vary so widely. This also goes for familial wealth, for genetic dispositions, for the neighborhood we happen to grow up in, the friends we are able to make, the natural disasters we may encounter or dodge, and the talents we possess, which, for all that people argue might contribute little to our overall potential, still deviates greatly between individuals.

But the main inspiration for the song’s direction was actually a minor event in my own life. As I said before, I’ve drawn and written stories for a very long time. When I was in school, these were my creative outlets. I also played piano, and studied classical piano performance at the Manhattan School of Music for a good 6 years before going to college, where I persisted practicing for many years until I finished the last of my schooling. Creative outlets were strictly hobbies, meaning I focused on my studies and only indulged when I had the spare time, and though it took a little trial and error, I eventually learned how to balance everything so I could get good grades while still leaving time for self care. Not all of my friends are so successful, and I remember one of them exclaiming in disbelief, “How are you able to do all of this so easily? You’re drawing and playing piano and writing and in social events and you’re still getting A’s. It’s not fair!”

Well, the truth is, I didn’t do all of this so “easily”. I can’t claim whether or not it’s “fair”, because everyone’s situation is different and maybe life did deal me a better hand. But though my friends might only see the test scores at the very end, or the times when I emerged out of my hovel on campus to engage in these creative outlets, the truth is I’ve been studying and studying and studying just like they were. I was simply doing it out of sight. Your average Chopin Nocturne is 4-5 minutes long; the audience only witnesses those 4-5 minutes, but they don’t see the 90+ hours you’ve spent perfecting that piece. Similarly, for each one hour exam that was really only 50 minutes, I’d been reviewing notes not only during the defined study sessions when I was in my seat, but also in those unofficial moments when I was cooking lunch, when I was waiting in line for bubble tea, when I decided I was going to take a break except as soon as I did I realized I didn’t know something and I was compelled to look it up. I ruminated on what I did or did not know even when I drew pictures, even when I wrote stories, because whenever I felt I had the energy to consolidate something in my mind, I stopped what I was doing for “fun” and went back to studying, even though that was not strictly “study time”. All of that was work. All of that counted. And maybe others had worked just as hard but didn’t get my results, but it would be absolutely ridiculous to say that what I accomplished was in any way “easy”. However, it certainly looked easy to everyone else, because they only saw the outcome, the way a talented pianist would play a song without any effort because all of the effort had been behind the scenes.

Attributes like beauty, like being a young math prodigy, are somewhat harder to explain, and often the individuals themselves are just as bewildered as everyone else. I don’t think anyone truly knows why we have the assets we have, or lack the assets we would have liked to have. But I think it’s an interesting angle to consider that one’s physical appearance might have also been something that was earned, that people who are considered more beautiful had worked just as hard to be so as a self-made billionaire had worked to become wealthy, or a polished artist had refined their craft. And I hoped, as I was writing this song, that this concept might inspire those who listen to be less judgmental of those that appear to be gifted for free. If we really all did work for our blessings, then those who have them do deserve them, and those who don’t…may earn them yet.