Maiden Post

When I bought this domain, I didn’t know what I would do with it. I just felt that I should own a domain with my handle, which I’ve used for much of my online activities. At this point, I’ve been composing songs for almost 2 years, and drawing/writing for even longer. These are all hobbies I do on the side, and I somehow make time for them even though my day job is quite involved. For this reason, though I hope to have plenty to say, I’m not sure how often I would update. In the end, we all must live in the real world, not on the web.

I figured I’d start off with some insights into the behind the scenes for my latest music video, The Nature of Blessings, which is also the first song in my album Soothesayer. This song was actually the second song I wrote for my album. I was inspired to write this song in part when I saw a video of Anne Hathaway and I noticed that I found her appearance much more striking in her 40’s than in her 20’s, even though she looked her age and would not pass for a young girl. It occurred to me that beauty, in addition to being very subjective, is also very dependent on context. There is, of course, also the question of just what beauty even is, whether it is just how your physical features coordinate on your form, or how you happen to work with what you have. I don’t think it’s too uncouth to point out that there is something somewhat baffling about how beauty—and indeed, all positive attributes—are not exactly fairly distributed. The common platitude claims that all of us are beautiful in our own way, but in reality, some of us are more beautiful than others, and there is no way to dismiss that. When it comes to the young and untried, this is particularly perplexing because, why? Presumably we all enter on equal footing, we have fairly uniform milestones, and most of us have not had much opportunity to do anything significantly different from our peers, yet our appearances—and therefore how we are received by society—vary so widely. This also goes for familial wealth, for genetic dispositions, for the neighborhood we happen to grow up in, the friends we are able to make, the natural disasters we may encounter or dodge, and the talents we possess, which, for all that people argue might contribute little to our overall potential, still deviates greatly between individuals.

But the main inspiration for the song’s direction was actually a minor event in my own life. As I said before, I’ve drawn and written stories for a very long time. When I was in school, these were my creative outlets. I also played piano, and studied classical piano performance at the Manhattan School of Music for a good 6 years before going to college, where I persisted practicing for many years until I finished the last of my schooling. Creative outlets were strictly hobbies, meaning I focused on my studies and only indulged when I had the spare time, and though it took a little trial and error, I eventually learned how to balance everything so I could get good grades while still leaving time for self care. Not all of my friends are so successful, and I remember one of them exclaiming in disbelief, “How are you able to do all of this so easily? You’re drawing and playing piano and writing and in social events and you’re still getting A’s. It’s not fair!”

Well, the truth is, I didn’t do all of this so “easily”. I can’t claim whether or not it’s “fair”, because everyone’s situation is different and maybe life did deal me a better hand. But though my friends might only see the test scores at the very end, or the times when I emerged out of my hovel on campus to engage in these creative outlets, the truth is I’ve been studying and studying and studying just like they were. I was simply doing it out of sight. Your average Chopin Nocturne is 4-5 minutes long; the audience only witnesses those 4-5 minutes, but they don’t see the 90+ hours you’ve spent perfecting that piece. Similarly, for each one hour exam that was really only 50 minutes, I’d been reviewing notes not only during the defined study sessions when I was in my seat, but also in those unofficial moments when I was cooking lunch, when I was waiting in line for bubble tea, when I decided I was going to take a break except as soon as I did I realized I didn’t know something and I was compelled to look it up. I ruminated on what I did or did not know even when I drew pictures, even when I wrote stories, because whenever I felt I had the energy to consolidate something in my mind, I stopped what I was doing for “fun” and went back to studying, even though that was not strictly “study time”. All of that was work. All of that counted. And maybe others had worked just as hard but didn’t get my results, but it would be absolutely ridiculous to say that what I accomplished was in any way “easy”. However, it certainly looked easy to everyone else, because they only saw the outcome, the way a talented pianist would play a song without any effort because all of the effort had been behind the scenes.

Attributes like beauty, like being a young math prodigy, are somewhat harder to explain, and often the individuals themselves are just as bewildered as everyone else. I don’t think anyone truly knows why we have the assets we have, or lack the assets we would have liked to have. But I think it’s an interesting angle to consider that one’s physical appearance might have also been something that was earned, that people who are considered more beautiful had worked just as hard to be so as a self-made billionaire had worked to become wealthy, or a polished artist had refined their craft. And I hoped, as I was writing this song, that this concept might inspire those who listen to be less judgmental of those that appear to be gifted for free. If we really all did work for our blessings, then those who have them do deserve them, and those who don’t…may earn them yet.